Sometimes prose is just not good enough to express what one feels. Just like this post is not going to do justice to how I feel right now.
I am confused now a days. It's a different sort of confusion from the one you readers are familiar with through my other blog posts. I am confused with my feelings. I don't know whether to feel happy or sad, excited or nostalgic, enthusiastic or anxious. I don't know if it sounds like some superficial ruminations of a self indulgent guy who just got very lucky. If it does, I apologize. I realize there are many people who would be very happy to be in the position I am right now. I acknowledge and understand this.
However, my mind has been experiencing the full spectrum of emotions over the past few weeks. At times, I am busy looking through websites and you tube for information on my future college and Canada in general. I am awed by what I read and see and I am very excited to see and experience all these things for myself. But at other times, my wind wanders aimlessly into the recent and distant past in totally unpredictable fashion. Yesterday night, I was listening to this song and my mind took me ten years back to Rathi teacher; my dearest music teacher who taught me music for four years from 1996 - 2001.
I was one of her dearest students too. And the most senior one at that :). At times when she was late, she would instruct me to lead the class which comprised of kids much younger to me, some even younger by ten years. She had great hopes for me and when I was leaving Bangalore in 2001, she told me to pursue music without stopping.
I never pursued music after that.
I often regret not having done something I truly love and have a talent for. Whenever I look back at those wonderful times in Bangalore, I am filled with a kind of melancholic happiness, if such a thing exists. She had two kids, one who was in first standard and other who was in fifth or sixth when I left Bangalore after my 10th standard exams. Yesterday, I found myself furiously searching for either of them in facebook. I couldn't find the elder one but I found someone who shared the name of the younger one and who I thought resembled my music teacher. I sent a message to this girl, expecting no reply.
Maybe I am trying desperately to cling on to memories that I cherish. I have not seen my music teacher for ten years. Yesterday I decided that if I ever came across her two daughters in face book, I would make it a point to go and visit. Whether she would remember me is a totally different matter altogether, but my heart says that she would.
I hope my teacher and her two kids are doing very well wherever they are. I really miss those good old musical days.
I am confused now a days. It's a different sort of confusion from the one you readers are familiar with through my other blog posts. I am confused with my feelings. I don't know whether to feel happy or sad, excited or nostalgic, enthusiastic or anxious. I don't know if it sounds like some superficial ruminations of a self indulgent guy who just got very lucky. If it does, I apologize. I realize there are many people who would be very happy to be in the position I am right now. I acknowledge and understand this.
However, my mind has been experiencing the full spectrum of emotions over the past few weeks. At times, I am busy looking through websites and you tube for information on my future college and Canada in general. I am awed by what I read and see and I am very excited to see and experience all these things for myself. But at other times, my wind wanders aimlessly into the recent and distant past in totally unpredictable fashion. Yesterday night, I was listening to this song and my mind took me ten years back to Rathi teacher; my dearest music teacher who taught me music for four years from 1996 - 2001.
I was one of her dearest students too. And the most senior one at that :). At times when she was late, she would instruct me to lead the class which comprised of kids much younger to me, some even younger by ten years. She had great hopes for me and when I was leaving Bangalore in 2001, she told me to pursue music without stopping.
I never pursued music after that.
I often regret not having done something I truly love and have a talent for. Whenever I look back at those wonderful times in Bangalore, I am filled with a kind of melancholic happiness, if such a thing exists. She had two kids, one who was in first standard and other who was in fifth or sixth when I left Bangalore after my 10th standard exams. Yesterday, I found myself furiously searching for either of them in facebook. I couldn't find the elder one but I found someone who shared the name of the younger one and who I thought resembled my music teacher. I sent a message to this girl, expecting no reply.
Maybe I am trying desperately to cling on to memories that I cherish. I have not seen my music teacher for ten years. Yesterday I decided that if I ever came across her two daughters in face book, I would make it a point to go and visit. Whether she would remember me is a totally different matter altogether, but my heart says that she would.
I hope my teacher and her two kids are doing very well wherever they are. I really miss those good old musical days.
